There are five billion human beings and in a certain way I think we need five billion different religions.

Dali Lama

I thought of this quote today as I saw the news regarding President Obama’s commencement speech at Notre Dame. We have so many religions, and the root cause of most of our conflict in history has been about one religion being superior to another. For some reason, as human beings, we are unable to set a boundary between what we believe and what we feel others should believe.   As a result we have situations like what happened at Notre Dame- religious zealots disrespecting a speaker because he does not believe in the same doctrine.

Why is creating and respecting this boundary so difficult for us? Do we somehow feel more ‘right’ if other people believe the same things are right? Does that really make any sense? Maybe we feel safer, more secure in ourselves if we draw a line in the sand and place people on each side, creating the ‘with us’/ against us’ categories that have played out over and over again in history. There are many of us out there that live and die by these beliefs- hurting ourselves and others in the process. Why don’t we see how much pain and suffering we cause ourselves and others when we act this way?

My question is not why we hold firmly to our own beliefs- if we did just that, we would focus only on holding ourselves accountable to whatever it is we believe.  I want to know why these beliefs must be transferred to all of those around us, and if they aren’t accepted by others, we choose then to condemn and disrespect? What do we really get out of this?

If someone asked you how you manage your money, you would probably mention something about a monthy budget or balancing your checkbook..or choosing to save before impulsive spending- any or all of those things.

The truth is, we all know how to manage our money. We just don’t.

Recent surveys record the average American debt at more than $7,000 per household. We are spending more, saving less, and creating great financial anxiety for ourselves in the process. If we know what it takes to be financially sound and free of this anxiety, why don’t we do it?

The answer to that question may relate directly to our own state of mind. People who suffer from depression and anxiety are almost three times more likely to be in significant debt. It’s possible that when we are anxious or depressed, we create a disconnect between our spending and our means, creating debt. The rush of purchasing something new and the initial gratification create a distraction which is both pleasurable and habit- forming. “Retail Therapy” is of course, not real therapy, it’s just a band-aid on a much bigger problem.

Those of us caught up in this cycle of spending might find ourselves deep in denial about our true financial situation. The mountain of debt seems to grow bigger and bigger each day. We live with the anguish and anxiety this growing debt creates, yet we feel overwhelmed at the thought of taking control and fixing the problem. We also fear what life would be like without the freedom to purchase what we want and provide that quick gratification we have become dependent upon. We feel lost, afraid, and unsure of how to change.

The good news is that we can take control of our own financial situation, but we must get to the root of the real problem in order for this change to be effective. When we start to see that our overspending relates to our state of mind, we can focus our attention on fixing the real problem- and find financial security in the process.

Coping with Job Loss

          Are you anxious and worried about the possibility of losing your job?  In these economic times, you are not alone.  As of April 2009, the jobless rate is 8.5 percent, which means that 13 million people in the US are currently unemployed.  Job loss is a real possibility for most of us, and the loss of a job brings about  very real financial and emotional issues.   Anger, panic, depression, hopelessness, and feeling completely overwhelmed are all common reactions to losing a job, and you may feel all of these at varying levels over the course of several weeks.

Losing a job is a great lesson in the impermanence of things. 

     During good economic times, we take for granted our paychecks, our status, our achievements, and if we like our work we see it as a cup overflowing with opportunity for advancement.  If our salary is high enough, we think nothing of dedicating 60+ hours a week to our work, setting it and all of its requirements at the very top of our priority list.  We often rationalize this behavior, as our job pays our bills and affords us a lifestyle to which we attach a great deal of value- a big house, exotic vacations, expensive ‘toys” we can purchase without worrying too much about the cost.   Losing these attachments can feel like the end of the world.

            Many of us also over- identify with our jobs.  We reflect our own sense of self- worth in relation to our work achievements.  Without it, we quickly start to question our own adequacy, ability, and our confidence falters.  This low confidence can make finding new employment particularly difficult, and the downward spiral begins.

            If you have recently lost your job or feel that job loss is imminent, give yourself time to grieve this loss.  Pay close attention to what you are thinking and feeling during this time.  Thoughts usually fuel feelings- if you feel sadness try to put it into words, and see if you are sending yourself negative messages.  “I’m worthless when I’m not working” or “ I’ll never find another job as good as this one was” need to be acknowledged, but also countered with something more realistic and positive.  There will be another job, you are important in other aspects of your life that do not involve work, and you do not need the expensive attachments as much as you think you do. 

         You may feel you don’t have much of an arsenal to fight the emotional stress that job loss creates.  Yet, we can choose how we think about the events of our lives, and job loss is no different.  We always have a choice between thinking optimistically or pessimistically.   As Martin Seligman states in his best selling book Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, ‘”Changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals all of us is the central skill of optimism.”

          It may also be the central skill necessary to survive  the loss of a job. 

It’s all over the news, you can’t get away from it..according to Yahoo we may be on the brink of the first influenza pandemic in more than 40 years.  The internet is splattered with pictures of people wearing surgical masks, a look of fear in their eyes as they hug their children.  We have to read deep in the articles to get any real information, and by then if the media has been effective you’re already scared, stressed, worried or even panicked.  If you’re feeling this way right now I ask you to take a few deep breaths, calm down, and acquaint yourself with the facts of the situation:

1. Currently, the only deaths resulting from the recent onset of Swine Flu are in Mexico.  Everyone who has been tested in the US and has Swine Flu has either recently traveled to Mexico, or been in close contact with someone who has recently been to Mexico.

2. as of 4/27,no one in the US has died from Swine Flu. 

3.  Many precautions are being taken, such as closing schools, canceling community events, restricting travel to and from certain countries.  Keep in mind these are preventative measures, and in no way signal a need for panic. 

4.  As Katherine Andrus, an attorney for the U.S. Air Transport Association, stated, “This is a time for appropriate precautions but not panic.”

The media is kept alive by selling us stories.  The bigger the story, the better the sales.  It is to their benefit to make something more emotionally charged- more people will read it, pay attention to them..etc.  Try to find a balance -keep yourself informed of these events, but do not overreact to them.  Here is an excellent factual source for more information:

http://www.who.int/csr/disease/swineflu/en/index.html

I wish you the best of health!

Advantages of Online Counseling

I love the possibilities of the internet. I’ve used it many times to instantly look up information on topics that catch my interest, I’ve even taken several online classes as a part of my degree studies. I love the accessibility and the availability that the internet provides. It allows us to connect on so many levels, with so many different people and interests just by logging on and conducting a simple search. A whole new world awaits us each and every time- the possibilities overflow.
As I looked at my counseling goals, using the internet to reach clients online provided a very natural fit, while also eliminating many of the barriers that keep people from accessing traditional counseling. Online, we can provide therapy in the comfort of your own home or private office, at your convenience, without asking you to sit in a waiting room or find time during work hours. With these barriers eliminated, people who just want to talk about the issues in their lives now have a place to find support, without the fear of a diagnosis or label, which is often required during the first session of traditional counseling for insurance purposes. The reduced expense and flexible schedule makes therapy more accessible- those who wish to work through therapy can now do so on their own terms.
Client- centered online counseling, priced reasonably and suited to your own schedule- a whole new world awaits you!

Blue Lotus Counseling Services is now listed in the Clush Directory under the category Therapists and we have our own business directory page there under Online Counseling.

We are also listed in the East Valley Living Business Directory in the category Health and Medical » Mental Health Services and you can see our listing here: Online Counseling

Now that our new site is live, we will be adding our listings to a variety of other online directories, social media sites and social bookmarking sites.